Dossier information compiled by secret questionnaire, made to look like a dating application, of the Federation, Prime Directive Division on planet Earth and various questioning of observers. Most of this dossier was copied word for word from the questionnaire itself. The original is attached to the back.


Name: The Jolt Master

Date of birth: January 1

Description: 69 inches tall, 170 lbs., black hair and mustache, hazel eyes, usually dressed in a denim jacket and jeans, a brown leather fedora, and black boots.

Occupation: Permalancer, Party Animal Extraordinare, Co-Founder of The Bunny Chasers Society. Ex-Jolt cola salesman...like that should surprise you ;)

Whereabouts: Infrequently visits The Starís End Bar, but once heís there, heíll pretty much stay there. Usually seen with his BC Brothers, Hadar Dule and Quole Littlefeather. A fourth member, Maxx Heydan is apparently missing in action. The Jolt Master isnít disturbed by this, but "wishes we knew what her name is."

Background: "Born on Earth, like most Earthlings, I led a fairly normal childhood until around age 3. An uncle of mine gave me a sip of Jolt cola and BAM! Thatís all I ever drank. Then I realized what my calling in life would be. So, I went out and got a real day job with the Jolt MegaCorp. I wasnít an exceptional salesman, but I knew, somehow, somewhere, I would get a lucky break. Then, it happened! I landed on the planet Despaci, in a remote section of the Beta Quadrant. The race, although terminally slow-minded, were very advanced people, known as the Despacians. They werenít stupid, just slow. In any case, I sold them my stuff and almost overnight, the Despacians had become "the Mensa of the Beta Quadrant!" It was totally wild!! Their entire culture accelerated and expanded in every aspect of life. Needless to say, I was able to retire comfortably and never had to work again. Ahh...life was good. Unfortunately, the Federationís, Prime Directive Unit, thinks Iíve done something wrong. Those Federation bastards!! Theyíve got their heads so far up their fu------"

Current interests: "Hey, Iím a dual-blaster slinging party animal who enjoys many of the good and stranger things that life has to offer! Iím often seen drinking mass quantities of Jolt Cola and using the cans for target practice. I have seven other hobbies, which include in no particular order, and are not limited to: Serious Bunny watching and chasing; adding a lot of Jack Daniels to my Jolt, making Jolt Daniels; watching even more Bunnies; adding a lot of Malibu Rum to my Jolt, making Malibu Jolt; enjoying the Bunnies, near and far (preferably near); having in-depth discussions involving quantum physics, the universe, wondering who the hell invented Spam and why; and drooling over the Bunnies of RhyDin."

Ideal mate: "No trolls, no excessive body hair, no Wookies."

Forever they will multiply. Never will we divide. Bunny Chasers!!


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