Name: The Jolt Master

Date of birth: January 1

Description: 69 inches tall, 170 lbs., black hair and mustache, hazel eyes, usually dressed in a denim jacket and jeans, a brown leather fedora, and black boots.

Occupation: Permalancer, Party Animal Extraordinare, Co-Founder of The Bunny Chasers Society. Ex-Jolt cola salesman...like that should surprise you ;)

Whereabouts: Infrequently visits The Star’s End Bar, but once he’s there, he’ll pretty much stay there. Usually seen with his BC Brothers, Hadar Dule and Quole Littlefeather. A fourth member, Maxx Heydan is apparently missing in action. The Jolt Master isn’t disturbed by this, but "wishes we knew what her name is."

Background: "Born on Earth, like most Earthlings, I led a fairly normal childhood until around age 3. An uncle of mine gave me a sip of Jolt cola and BAM! That’s all I ever drank. Then I realized what my calling in life would be. So, I went out and got a real day job with the Jolt MegaCorp. I wasn’t an exceptional salesman, but I knew, somehow, somewhere, I would get a lucky break. Then, it happened! I landed on the planet Despaci, in a remote section of the Beta Quadrant. The race, although terminally slow-minded, were very advanced people, known as the Despacians. They weren’t stupid, just slow. In any case, I sold them my stuff and almost overnight, the Despacians had become "the Mensa of the Beta Quadrant!" It was totally wild!! Their entire culture accelerated and expanded in every aspect of life. Needless to say, I was able to retire comfortably and never had to work again. Ahh...life was good. Unfortunately, the Federation’s, Prime Directive Unit, thinks I’ve done something wrong. Those Federation bastards!! They’ve got their heads so far up their fu------"

**The rest of his opinions were unfit for print. The Jolt MegaCorp. have not been reached for comment. As a brief side note regarding this incident, we are unsure whether or not this planet would have come up with soft beverages on its own. We are still investigating this issue.**

Current interests: "Hey, I’m a dual-blaster slinging party animal who enjoys many of the good and stranger things that life has to offer! I’m often seen drinking mass quantities of Jolt Cola and using the cans for target practice. I have seven other hobbies, which include in no particular order, and are not limited to: Serious Bunny watching and chasing; adding a lot of Jack Daniels to my Jolt, making Jolt Daniels; watching even more Bunnies; adding a lot of Malibu Rum to my Jolt, making Malibu Jolt; enjoying the Bunnies, near and far (preferably near); having in-depth discussions involving quantum physics, the universe, wondering who the hell invented Spam and why; and drooling over the Bunnies of RhyDin."

Ideal mate: "No trolls, no excessive body hair, no Wookies."